APPRECIATION.
Matthew 7:12 “Do for others what you would like them to do for you. This is the summary of all that is taught in the law and the prophets”
The one-size-fits-all approach to human management is appreciation. Saying thank you or offering other words of appreciation, along with sincere compliments and other grateful or kind words are the best way to fortify relationship. By appreciating people, you let them know they are needed, people cannot know you appreciate them if you don’t tell them that they are important to you. Complimenting those who deserve it builds lasting relationship and helps people to know they are valued.
As Christians we are to model after Christ, who though know all men, the content of their hearts and how they will even turn in the future, unconditionally love and appreciate them. Christ never for over three years with Judas used actions or words to devalue him, but he knew him before the foundation of the world that he is a betrayal. He appreciated Peter at several occasions though He knew Peter will deny him on the eve of His crucifixion. The model is to appreciate good things in people generally and also those that are even our enemies because white cloth is still white even if it is worn by your enemy. Also people that are seemingly weak as it will serve as a boaster.
In mathematics, they are relationships between the X and Y axis or the vertical and the horizontal. When the vertical relationship with God is correct, the horizontal relationship with mankind will effortlessly be correct. Proverbs 4:23-24 affirms that when it says “Above all else, guard your hearts, for it affects everything you do. Avoid all perverse talk, stay from corrupt speech.” Saying kind, appreciative words to a fellow human being is an overflow of the content of the heart. Jesus said “out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks.” We must be connected to Christ and His words which will fill our hearts and it will affect everything we say. A heart seasoned with grace cannot help but say graceful words devoid of manipulation and hypocrisy. When such a person says ‘thank you, I love you, great one there, am so sorry’ the person will be saying it from a pure and sincere heart and not for any selfish gain or future benefits.
As we develop a greater appreciation and affection for words that heals, bless’ and cheers, we will develop an even greater disdain for words that damages. Appreciation is a double-edged sword, healing the actor and the recipient. When you appreciate people your life will not depreciate, by that we are letting our light to shine and every one will praise our heavenly father.
May God model our hearts to be like Him and even show appreciation to Him for all He has done through Jesus Christ.
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Few days ago the wife of our brother and uncle, Reuben, posted a message written by His Holiness Pope Francis about the family. It was captioned “FAMILY, THE PLACE OF FORGIVENESS”. Madam, God bless you immensely and more oil of grace on your head.
There are few statements from the write up worthy to be re-echoed. “There is no perfect family, family is composed of imperfect people, we cannot live together without offending one another, there is no healthy family without the exercise of forgiveness, forgiveness is the medicine of family joy and happiness, a family is a place of support and not an arena of gossip and calumny, and so on.
I went through the write up severally, at one point I wished I am close to the Vatican City to drop by and ask His Holiness few questions like “Do I need to forgive somebody when the person has not shown remorse? Do I need to forgive somebody, that I am almost certain will do more evil after reconciliation? What is this forgiveness when the person that is guilty is the one claiming to be right? What is the use of forgiveness, when the other party is not ready for a round table discussion? Do I need to forgive by proxy? And other questions that will come up if I am offered a seat by the Pope and an Italian brand of coffee.
Considering the cost and the near impossibility of getting there, I decided to check if the Pope got his inspiration from the Bible. After a thorough search, I found that he may draw his wisdom from two passages of the scriptures.
“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.” Romans 12:18
“The very fact that you have quarrels among you means you have been completely defeated already. Why not rather be wronged? Why not rather be cheated? “Wouldn’t it be far better to take it and allow yourselves to be wronged if it will mean securing peace? 1 Corinthians 6:7
Forgiveness is a door to peace and happiness. It is a small, narrow door, and cannot be entered without stooping. It is also hard to find. But no matter how long the search, it can be found. At least that is what the men and women across ages have discovered. Once there, only you can open it. When we forgive someone for a mistake or a deliberate hurt, we still recognize it as such, but instead of lashing out or biting back; we attempt to see beyond it, so as to restore our relationship with the person responsible for it. Our forgiveness may not take away our pain, it may not even be acknowledged or accepted, yet the act of offering it will keep us from being drawn into the downward twisting of bitterness and hatred.
A story was told of a very peaceful and progressive community well known for building work. They built many beautiful cities for other people. A group of gangsters from a neighboring community came and destroy all they built for themselves all the years. They took time and rebuild their homes, but the same people came after two years, invade and destroy their homes again. The community resolves to live in tents instead of building again. An old man that once passed there came again to see the progressive community living in tents instead of their fine edifice. Upon inquiry, he was informed; he summoned the community elders and explained to them the paradox of life.
“In life you have two kinds of people, the builders and the destroyers. Surprisingly, the builders can destroy also, but the destroyers don’t know how to build. The destroyers can adjust to any form, because they don’t even have values for anything, but the builders will be uncomfortable until things are correct. Now you people should put the past behind, build again and continue to engage the destroyers until they see reasons to stop. Every good society you are seeing today, have destroyers, but consciously decided to build, the will of the destroyers is like a cotton wool, one day the wind of God’s justice will blow and they will learn in a hard way. Reverting to tents because of the destroyers will not even change anything in them.”
They took the advice and went again to build houses for themselves.
We must build and not play to the wish of the destroyers. The first block will be forgiveness, the second- forgiveness, the third-forgiveness and the block at the window and the lintel will still be forgiveness.
Thanks again Mrs. Reuben and His Holiness Pope Francis.
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On 22nd January, 2020, AJUS IYANYA posted a heart-warming article on a topic “THE COST OF HATRED”. At the end of the article, it was obvious that it is not only costly but damaging to think of buying even a small quantity of hatred. It will not be out of place if we say, anybody that desires to go for it may have some challenges with either his mind or possessed with the evil spirit.
Several Bible verses supported this fact; let us take a look at some of them. 1 John 3:15 Anyone who hates his brother is a murderer and you know that no murderer has eternal life in him.
Proverbs 14:30 A heart at peace gives life to the body but envy rots the bones.
Proverbs 10:12Hatred stirs up disagreement but love covers over all wrongs.
1 John 2:9-11Anyone who claims to be in the light but hates his brother is still in the darkness. Whoever loves his brother lives in the light, and there is nothing in him to make him stumble. But whoever hates his brother is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness; he does not know where he is going, because the darkness has blinded him.
Hatred is costly, can it be purchased?
King Saul in the Bible was described as a fine man to behold, the first king of the chosen nation Israel. Fear, envy, jealousy and hatred took over him when he felt David was becoming influential than him, when he heard the daughters of Israel sings of David’s victory over Goliath. Fear and envy blinded him and did not realize that David was not the writer of the song they people were singing. He sold his time, dignity and throne to pursue David. A king became a hunter running in the bush and sleeping inside caves because of fear, envy and jealousy. You know the end of the story.
Another King called Herod, for fear, and jealousy that a child is born that will be a king instructed his armies to kill children he is supposed to protect. Hatred can be purchased and make a person behave like an animal.
Humans are imperfect, sometimes this imperfection produces hatred. There are different lenses we can use to look at the root of hatred; at the center of all hatred are selfish needs and competition.
When those needs and aspiration are found in another person that you feel you were initially travelling at the same pace or ahead of, but suddenly the person has gone ahead, a natural mind will suddenly be engulfed with a silent competition without realizing that God has patterned the events of this life in time and season. These unmet needs will incubate in the person’s heart and will hatch out fear, envy, and jealousy and ultimately graduate to HATRED. At that point, the person is completely engulfed with an uncommon rage and will go all out to sell everything within his reach to buy hatred, not minding the cost. At that point, the sense is sold to the devil and the person will even be willing to use his/her last drop to buy hatred.
Hatred can be purchased in the currency of fear, envy and jealousy.
Like King Saul and King Herod, space will fail me to talk about other Bible characters, let me not bother you with Joseph and the brothers and Absalom the son of David.
Family life represents different seasons for different people; but because of our struggle with sinful natures, we make unity in family very challenging. Let me replace the word FEAR with INFERIORITY COMPLEX, too weak to face personal challenges,we are not humble enough to accept our state, we turn our state to be the fault of another and create unnecessary tension in the family. We degenerate into envy and jealousy and go out to all available banks and people to secure loan to buy Hatred to destroy the family. We turn the family into a battle ground for not fault of others with our hate speech, hate lies, hate gossip, and hate unverified conclusions, hate judgment and character assassination. The common table of the family is turned upside down and the integrity of the family dragged to the mud.
Proverbs 15:17 Better a meal of vegetables where there is love than a fattened calf with hatred.
When Saul bought Hatred, Joseph’s brothers bought Hatred; it takes the victims of their hatred to help them out. David had to be playing music to calm the nerves of King Saul. Joseph had to rescue the brother from dying of hunger. It has always been the victim of the hatred that will help, because at the point of purchase of hatred they are left with nothing except confusion. A real mad man cannot take himself to the hospital, join the queue, take a card, and go to the doctor to explain his condition. So it is with a man that has sold his life to hatred.
Jesus knew that humans will buy HATRED at all cost, so he laid a principle of dealing with them and is worthy of emulation even if it means going out of our way. This is the almighty formula of dealing with hatred; its efficacy has been tested and proven.
Luke 6:32-36 “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even unbelievers love those who love them. And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even pagans do that. And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even ‘sinners’ lend to ‘sinners,’ expecting to be repaid in full. But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.”
The labor of our heroes past shall not be in vain- peace and unity is worth sacrificing anything to achieve in the family.
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Proverbs 6:16-19 “There are six things the Lord hates, seven that are detestable to him: haughty eyes, a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up conflict among brothers.”
The unity of our family is sacrosanct. We all have the responsibility to promote peace in the family and it is a task that we must not abandon but accomplish.
I congratulate everybody for the willingness to work and nurture this peace agenda to fruition. As we show progressive commitment, we must guard against certain things that can truncate this noble move.
One thing that can make or mar any peace agenda is the manner we manage or handle information. What do I say about another person in the family? How do I say it? Where do I say it? Who do I say it to? Do I have valid reasons for what I said? How truthful is it? Do I exaggerate the fact and skew it to my advantage? Do the information am passing across sandwiched with love or hatred? Can I say it when the person is present, if no, why? The checklist is endless.
Since the fall in the Garden of Eden, communication and information dissemination has been deformed. You still remember simply questions God asked Adam and how he answered. You still remember the response of Cain the first son of Adam, when God asked him about his brother; without shame and fear, he asked God back “if he was his brother’s keeper”. The fall did a lot to humanity and until you are born again, the tendency to project self is high in almost everything we do, which includes what we say about others especially when they are not there. Information is a fluid, and all liquid takes up the shape of a container. So what we say and how we say it cannot be independent of our nature. It is only those that are born again through the saving power of power of Jesus Christ that can say things that are gracious, true, praise worthy about a brother or family member especially if the person is not there. Unfortunately, we cannot beat our chest and with all certainty say that everybody that is in this peace train have met Christ and have grown into him to know how to handle information graciously.
So how do we nurture this peace and unity with divergent composition? I believe in prayers and the God of impossibilities; but they are things that depend on us. We were created with a will and choice; we are not helpless in the hands of the devil. If we are willing and discipline, the devil will not force us to say evil things against our brother and sister. The devil will not forcefully open our mouth to say things that will send a bad signal to others about the family. Each of us must take responsibility to be good and the devil will not run over our will to hate or ask the Cain kind of question- am I my brother’s keeper? The devil is powerful to the extent you allow him. We will not be asking God to push the devil away, but to give us the inner strength and discipline to love. We must consciously and with discipline make this peace work. Christ said, if you hunger and thirst for the right thing, he will do the filling. We can have peace and harmony in ONAH EJUGWU FAMILY. It begins with you and me.
Once upon a time, a young man spread rumors that his neighbor was a thief. As a result, the old man was arrested and days later he was proved innocent. After being released, he sued the young man for wrongly accusing him. In the court, the young man told the judge- they were just comments, they didn’t harm anyone. The judge, before passing the judgment told the young man to write all the things he said about the old man on a piece of paper, the judge asked him to cut them into pieces and on the way home, should throw the piece of papers out of his car window and then come back tomorrow for the judgment. The next day, the judge told the young man to go and bring the papers he threw yesterday or else be sentenced to five years imprisonment with hard labor. The young man said, I can’t do that, the wind spread them all over the places and won’t know where to find them.
Then the judge replied, the same way, simple malicious words and comments may destroy the honor of a person to such an extent that a person will not be able to fix it.
The lesson- if you can’t speak well of a family member, don’t say anything at all.
Let us all be master of our mouths, so that we won’t be slaves of our words.
Gossips are worse than thieves because they steal another person’s dignity, honor, reputation and credibility which may be difficult to restores though possible, but why putting a family member to all the stress. So let us be careful that we don’t use our mouth to destroy this peace that is planted. When your feet slip, you can always recover your balance, but when your tongue slips, you can never recover your words.
From our Bible text above, things that God hates- a false witness who pours out lies and a man who stirs up conflict among brothers.”
Let us know how to use information, let it be for the good of the family and not as a tool of disunity. Peace and unity is possible in our family if we mean it without betrayal.
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Accept my congratulations for yet another Palm Sunday in the Christian calendar commemorating the triumphant entry of Jesus Christ to Jerusalem. Few days from now, the thumbs up will change to crucify him and he will travel to Golgotha for us. The death of Christ reveals our sins at its worst and God’s love at its best. It shows how God’s justice condemned us- but his mercy redeemed us. May we as a family and individual fully benefit from the Salvation he purchased.
The Israelites went to war with the Midianites and they came with this report. Numbers 31:48-49 “Then the officers who were over the units of the army — the commanders of thousands and commanders of hundreds — went to Moses and said to him, “Your servants have counted the soldiers under our command, and not one is missing.”
At the end of the year, we will be complete and in good health as a family in Jesus name.
What triggered me to put up this write up was what one of my colleague said last week Thursday, he was sleeping during office hour and when I tapped him and demanded why he was sleeping, he said that they had a vigil in their family house to pray out a new and high level witchcraft that is threatening the unity of their family. I got interested and made further inquiries; he said that the elementary level of witchcraft which is popular can be defeated with ordinary anointing oil and a shout of Holy Ghost fire, but this other one is more terrible than all the world known pandemics combined-INCITING AND INFLUENCING PERSON(S) TO HATE ANOTHER PERSON WITHIN THE FAMILY.
He said that all of a sudden and for no just cause, some persons take advantage of gullible and easy-to-fool hearers and have torn the cord that held the family together.
The way he narrated it was funny and we laughed together, but over the weekend, I gave it a thorough thought and feel I should share it with my family members. Let us know that even if you don’t have witch pot or fly with banana leaf or broom stick and have not been named by PADDY or AKUKU the popular witch doctors that has been to our village, but you are a specialist in inciting family members against themselves with unfounded stories and that has led to hatred- you are a WITCH according to my colleague.
JUST FOR OUR INFORMATION, I DON’T THINK ANYONE WILL DO THAT KIND OF THING IN OUR FAMILY.
Only but simple and cheap people will allow themselves to be recruited to hate and inherit other people’s enemies. Because the easiest way to undo yourself is to think bad about another person just because the person is more successful than you or incite people to hate the person because you cannot equal the person. It is only woods that are cut by carpenters in equal sizes, human being are in levels and status and you must accept that to succeed as a person. Outside that, praying and fasting may not help on your desire for elevation.
The whole thing reminded me of one of the National Youth camp I attended in 2003. The Guest speaker surprised us; when he said that, we can get things from God without prayers, only by just thinking and acting for the good of others. He listed examples in the Bible and further said that most successful people are not prayer warriors, but people that think good of others. He went ahead to tell this story of an old missionary that taught his young boy a lesson on how to attain success in life. It was one formula- “When you think for the good of others, good things will always naturally happen to you!” but when you cause division among people and think bad about other people, you don’t need a witch or wizard to work out your failure.
One day, the missionary cooked rice and dish into two plates and put on the table. One plate has one egg on top and the other plate does not have egg on top. He said” My child, you choose. Eggs were hard to come by those days! So the child chose the plate with egg! As they started eating, he was congratulating himself on his wise choice. Then to his surprise as his father ate his rice, there were TWO eggs at the bottom of his plates under the rice! The boy regretted so much! And scolded himself for being too hasty in his decision. The father smiled and said to me,” My child, you must remember what your eyes see may not be true. If your intention is on taking advantage of people, you will end up losing!”
The next day, the father again cooked rice, one plate with an egg on top and the other plate with no egg on top. Again, he put the two plates on the table and said to him,” My child, you choose. This time the boy was smarter, he chose the plate without egg on top. To his surprise, as he separated the rice, there was not even a single egg at the bottom of the plate! Again the father smiled and said to him,” My child, you must not always rely on experiences, because sometimes, life can cheat you or play tricks on you when you are self-centred and have no regard for another person.
The third day, the father again cooked, again one plate with an egg on top and the other plate with no egg on top. He put the two plates on the table and again said to him,” My child, you choose. Which plate do you want?”. This time, the boy said, Daddy, you choose first. You are the head of the family and contributed the most to the family.” The father did not decline and chose the plate with one egg on top. As the boy eats, to his surprise! There were FOUR eggs at the bottom of the plate.
The father smiled at him with love in his eyes,” My child, you must remember in all you do in life this almighty formula-When you think for the good of others, good things will always naturally happen to you!”
If you found any of the fact in the write up to be your weakness, then you are not helping the unity of the FAMILY, Jesus will be passing this week to Calvary, just stand by the roadside and give him that unwholesome behavior and he will help you nail it to his cross along with other sins he will be carrying.
The unity of the family is vital and we should all contribute by either working on our weaknesses or perfecting our strength. Happy Easter.
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HAPPY DAY GREAT FAMILY. This Bible passage below was used as part of our family prayer for this month.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
I read a story few years ago and want to share; with the hope that it will help as we build the family unity wall. We have several masons or artisans that are involved in this building project and any tool that is not coated or overlaid with love may not be good enough to be used. Let’s reflect on these three qualities enumerated below as we read the story. LOVE IS NOT EASILY ANGERED, IT KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS, IT ALWAYS PROTECTS-
A story was told of two friends travelling in a desert, and mid-way in their journey, they had a heated argument and one slapped the other. The other was hurt, but maintained calm and went and scribble something on the sand “My best friend slapped me today”. They continued walking till they reached an oasis. They decided to bathe in it, the one who had been slapped got stuck in the mire and began to drown. His friend saved him and pulled him out. As he recovered from near drowning, he wrote on a stone- ‘Today my best friend saved my life”. His friend asked him, when I slapped you, you wrote on sand. And now on stone, why? He replied, when somebody hurt us, we should write it down on sand where wind of forgiveness can erase it away, but when someone does something good for us, we must engrave it in stones where no wind can ever erase it.
So for us-we should learn to write our hurts on sand and favors you receive from people on stones.
We MUST BE FAIR with each other as we work on the family unity. We must know what is really called HURT. Some hurts can be assumed, some can be as a result of realistic or unrealistic expectations that the person you are holding guilty is unaware, some can be as result of different perspective of looking at issues, some can be real. In whatever form it comes, they should be written on the sand.
We MUST ALSO NOT BE UNFAIR with each other as we work on family unity. We must also keep records of favor we received and also tell others about them, just the way we talk about our hurts. If the person that hurt you gives a hand of favor; that the favor was accepted, it is supposed to cancel the hurt. But when you go ahead to talk about the hurt and leave the favor out, you are only being unfair and malicious.
We have a collective responsibility to make this family unity work.
Stay loving, stay forgiving, stay truthful, stay safe, stay home-go out only when it is necessary. The Lord mighty in battle will see us through this season in Jesus’ name.
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